I came across a story on the internet of a woman struggling with self-love after she realized that her husband is having an affair. She went on explaining how she overcame the battle and learned to love herself. There were a few practices that she did to help see herself as good and love herself regardless of who she is. She first started with questioning herself; ‘What do I need? How do I know when I’m happy? What do I desire most? What makes me come alive?’ She went explaining how she listened very carefully to her own answers and where her heart was leading her. She committed to exploring and trusting her soulful, intentional, passionate self, and found acceptance to accept what she is and what she is not. She came to the conclusion of always reminding herself that her decisions are the best ones for her. As I’m reading her story, my heart begins to shatter because all I’m reading is ‘me, myself, and I’. And I’m thinking to myself, ‘she’s missing the most profound relation for self-love.’

Table of Contents

What is Self-Love?

So, what is self-love? From a non-biblical perspective, self-love is broken up in two definitions, 1) ‘the instinct by which one’s actions are directed to the promotion of one’s own welfare or well-being, especially an excessive regard for one’s own advantage.’ 2) ‘conceit; vanity.’ Now that we are in the Valentine season, the advertisements in public and online are promoting self-desiring fulfillments. In fact, I’ve seen a few articles promoting self-love to those that are single during this time with the same outlines that this young lady had regarding her self-love after the affair. The articles were teaching to set boundaries that will help you love yourself more and learn to forgive yourself and live intentionally to feel good about yourself.

The Secular vs. Biblical Self-Love

Hate to break it to ya, but this type of self-love is more of self-hate. The Word of God says in 1 John 4:7, ‘..For love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.’ To love yourself, you first have to know God. The self-love the Bible is talking about is extremely unsatisfying because the first problem with looking inwardly for self-love is that we are sinners, causing you to feel uncomfortable. Unlike secular advice for self-love, which teaches you to be comfortable in your sin and accept it; promoting everything YOU instead of pointing to Jesus creating a deeper hole that only stirs up stubbornness. The Bible makes it clear that without the transformation of accepting Christ, our hearts are evil (Ecc. 3:3-6). The Bible reforms self-love in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Paul warns us of perilous times, that in the last days men will be lovers of themselves rather than lovers of God. When looking with a Biblical objective, you must realize that you, yourself cannot find satisfaction on your own. Without looking beyond ourselves and unto Christ, there will be little to love, if not none. The unbiblical self-love fulfills you with unsatisfaction and leaving you unsanctified. When Jesus is calling you, He is asking you to hate your old nature and lay it aside (Ephesians 4:22) and by doing so, He will give you a new heart and new Spirit. The true self-love is acceptance of ourselves as redeemed people.

Love Yourself in Truth

The Biblical purpose of self-love is to take our eyes off ourselves and look towards Christ. That doesn’t mean that you are worthless. Contrary, the Bible teaches that we are created in the image of God-giving us great worth (Luke 12:7). The Biblical truth is that we are God’s unique creation and because of the fall of man we were separated from the love of the Father. The purpose of Christ’s coming was to restore the relationship of the lost love we have for God. When accepting the truth about Jesus and that you are nothing but dirty rags without him (Isaiah 64:6) you’re fulfilling the longing of your soul’s desire (PV 25:2). The soul’s desire is only found when your heart meets with the Creator. By loving yourself, you must love the truth; the truth being that without Christ you cannot abide in loving yourself or others.

If the world really cared to help others find self-love or self-worth then they would be preaching the gospel, that simple. Only the gospel of Christ offers restoration and hope. The message of the Good News is of freedom from putting together broken pieces of ourselves and providing worth outside of our brokenness.

Love Yourself Enough

Do you love yourself enough by accepting the fact that you are a sinner?
Do you love yourself enough to stop putting together broken, sinful pieces of yourself?
Do you love yourself enough to embrace the free gift of the Father’s love through Christ, Jesus?

Love yourself through the eyes of Christ.